I had one of those days this week.The kind where everything goes wrong, you feel completely disconnected, exhausted, and just plain done.
I woke up and had a few minutes with my husband. I told him flat out that I woke up on the wrong side of the bed and I didn’t want to do today. It took me a little while to put my finger on my problem, but eventually I did.
For a month, I had been pushing through back pain due to some issues with my spine. I had to ask for more help than I like to ask. I had to pace myself more than I like to pace myself. And I couldn’t do all the things I wanted to do. In fact, I’d been ridiculously irritated with the fact that my back pain came just as Little Man started taking his first steps. For a whole month I couldn’t sit on the floor with him, which meant I couldn’t let him walk to me. I had to watch on the sidelines.
On top of everything, Little Man was teething, Brookie didn’t want to go to my chiropractor appointment, and then it rained while we were driving back (which is a pain when you live in Florida and have no A.C. in the car).
In short, I had a bad attitude.
But, there was this one moment, when everything changed. The red light ahead of me seemed to mock me while the rain poured in buckets around me. I hated this light, so I complained under my breath.
My reason for hating this light was simple. I had to turn right at an intersection that I didn’t like because it’s hard to see and people honk the second you don’t go, even if there’s a car where you need to go.
After complaining, I prayed the light would turn green so the fifty cars approaching “my spot” would have to stop at their own red light. In seconds, the light turned green and I did an inner celebratory fist pump (inner, because my hands were on the wheel) and said, “Praise the Lord”. I was literally less than a minute from home and I couldn’t wait to be home.
In that moment, my outlook shifted and I felt absolutely ashamed.
I mean, seriously, I may not have thrown a temper tantrum, but I definitely didn’t set a good example to Brookie and Little Man.
And I wondered if my bad attitude had rubbed off on Brookie, thus making my day harder.
I also had a second “aha” thought. I had spent all morning frustrated at what I couldn’t do and what I had to do. But Philippians 4:13 says, “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” That doesn’t mean there won’t be challenges, but what I can’t do Christ more than makes up for it. And yet, it’s so easy to try to do it all on our own.
I am so thankful for God’s grace. Despite our frequent failings, His love and mercy never changes. Once my bad attitude had changed, a couple of amazing opportunities fell into my lap (that I will share later on) and I was able to enjoy the moments with my children.
I am so blessed. I want to strive each day to put my focus on God first, my husband and children second, and others. By doing so, God gives me strength to press on through everything. Even when dealing with a “thorn in the flesh”. (2 Corinthians 12:7-9)
And on the plus side, I have these two cuties to brighten my day (and sometimes drive me crazy).